Going Crazy!

With Luke off adventuring in the DR already, I'm officially as antsy and anxious as can be (well, maybe not...I could probably get a little worse)! I'm checking the Future Peace Corps Volunteers facebook page and the Peace Corps wiki DAILY for any news on that front. April is 2 days away and I'm expecting/hoping/crossing fingers that sometime in that month is when I'll get my invitation. It's comforting to see that many other FPCV (future Peace Corps vols) are in the same boat as me and freaking out accordingly.

What should I do to fill up my time and my mind between now and whenever I'll receive the invitation? I've started a list...

• Party like a dictator with coworkers & friends
• Plan more parties
  
• Read like a fiend
• Drink wine and discuss said read books in a book club of sorts
• Visit Corvallis
• Lunch and coffee with friends
• Spend weekends at Aunt Beth's w/Marc & Alisha (occasional appearances by Uncle Val). That family are some of my fave peeps at the momo
• Drink Bloody Marys at Momo's on lunch breaks
  
• Plan awesome family trips for the months of May/June (Moscow, Santa Cruz, Miles coming back to Oregon, EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Start packing? Ha! How about...start thinking about packing...yeah...
• Start consciously and fully appreciating things like indoor plumbing, central heating, refrigerators (?), friends on the same continent, paved roads, crap TV, the internets, &c. &c. &c.
• Clean up my 'to-do in Portland' list so far. Still have to get to Holocene and maybe that 21+ mini-golfing John mentioned... :)
• Dinner and drinks with Hannah and her mum, me and mine
• Maybe go camping sometime? When the weather gets nicer; I haven't been in awhile
  
• ...
• ...
• ???
  

Stimulating Conversation

Aunt Robin and Reid came to France, and I was lucky enough to spend about 3 days with them, tourist-ing it up in Normandy. Besides the WWII beaches and museums and history, the Bayeux tapestry (depicting William the Conqueror's conquest of England in 1066), the delicious cuisine (I ate duck, pork, cod, a camembert pie, Ile Flottante, creme brulée, a few apple tarts, not to mention what I drank! rosé & red wine, cider, kir, Normandy kir, which is cider plus calvados...), I was blessed with stimulating conversation! My aunt is one of the most amazing people I know, and Reid is the most well-read 15 yr old I've ever met (better-read than I was at that age, and probably even better-read than I am now), so we were able to talk about history, politics, current affairs, and of course, family gossip! I love those conversations, because the only conclusion I ever reach is that I come from crazies, all of whom I love the more for it, for keeping things interesting (and making me look good)!

I've been starved for thought-provoking discourse of late, which I attribute to 3 main reasons; 1. I've been spending a lot of time lately with a 20-month-old. As you can imagine, topics of conversation range from horses to cows to eating and bathing, and back again. Exciting. 2. I've been surrounded by francophones. I focus on being understood, and trying to understand. Correct grammar and simpler ideas are the goal of this short and sweet interactions. And 3. I haven't been around inspiring people anyways. I'm sure these Frenchies have convictions about some important things, but I'm 'the help' right now, doing my job, trying to do it well, and beyond that, who cares? It's fine, but being with Aunt Robin and Reid made me miss people who read The New Yorker...(and drink wine...I was a thirsty girl when they found me, and thankfully a little reliving last summer helped)!

This month I've become proficient and confident in changing diapers, feeding a kid, entertaining him, and making sure he doesn't die or kill himself (well, I still have a week to go, better not speak too soon...) I don't want a screaming crying eating pooping irrational little beast of my own. I don't want to be a nanny for any extended period of time, but babysitting here and there is definitely something I can handle. Go me, living up (or down?) to gender stereotypes. It is what it is. I can be nurturing and caring, if I must.

This time next Friday I'm going to be on a train to Paris! I'm stoked to get on with it, and get to the next thing! Paris, London, Phnom Penh...bring it on! I'm in a good traveling place right now...I'm super excited about where I'm going and what I'm doing the next few weeks, but I'm also really excited to be headed home shortly. I'm already making a list of things to do once home. So far, it's:

• eat Mexican! lots of it!
• drink spiced rum! Sailor Jerry, I've missed you! (real-life Jerry, not so much)
• see Miles!
• see family!
• see friends! (I miss you, Mr. Quinn, Hannah, Megan, Alison, Alisha, Danny, Yuliya, et al!)
• get drunk with you all!
• be on a boat!
• go to some idealist.org sponsored career & college fairs in October!
• bike!
• run!
• swim!
• triathlon?
• take micro and macro! (youpie!)
• take the GRE! (things just keep getting more exciting!)
• visit Corvallis
• visit Santa Cruz
• visit Seattle
• visit Utah
• discover Portland (hipster hangouts, watering holes, free fun stuff, local businesses, and what have you-a 'rediscovering-my-roots-reunion-tour/bonanza!)
• apply to...the next big thing (whatever that ends up being)
• have a kick-ass Christmas...somewhere! ;)
• get out by...September 22, 2010 at the latest! I'm not moving home or anything, just visiting for a calendar year MAX!

16 Days and Counting!

Being one who aspires to live for today, I usually try to focus on the moment, here and now. But JUNE! Students and teachers alike across the Northern Hemisphere must feel my pain and agree that June is the slowest, hottest, ickiest, stickiest, most antagonizing and desperate of months. One can't help but dream about how great July will be, lament that it isn't here already, and count the days, hours, and minutes until it gets here!

I have been spending my days dragging myself from cup of coffee to cup of coffee to nap, living for my evenings (spent avoiding sleep with a book or my favorite news websites) and weekends, which are always over too fast, even when I skip Friday, like I did last week. June weekends are all about reconnecting with friends I don't want to lose after we part, and making sure I exploit the locales (Lyon, the banks of the Sorgue, the patch of grass above the Rhone my friends and I have shanghai'd from couples in love) which I will miss terribly the second they're out of my reach (well, except for Lyon). And it's only the 14th! Not-quite-but-almost halfway through this hellish nightmare. I am dreading everything about the next two weeks: packing, showing off my apartment to possible future residents (um, doing my rental agency's job???), shutting down accounts, getting my mail forwarded (can/do they even do that here???), working (ugh! still! i'm not clear yet!), cleaning, throwing things away, checking out of my apartment (what will she say about my broken bed and window?), and not to mention (dramatic pause and inhale): saying good bye to the people who have made this year...well, what it was. I won't complain too much, c'est la vie, after all. And I will shortly have Carcassonne, Biarritz, surfing, and eventually Cambodia with my dad to keep me occupied.

In honor of this impending change, things France has taught me (or rather, things I feel I've learned, or learned better, in the past year; France doesn't deserve all the credit, not a chance):

• How to be alone and like it. I love curling up with my computer or a good book (or a good miniseries!) for hours on end.
• How to be well-informed. What am I doing for hours on end online? Browsing Slate.com, thedailybeast, (in addition to MSNBC and CNN) or other people's blogs for the latest in news and opinions. Listening to the latest podcast of NPR's 'Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.' Crying if the internet wigs out. (Credit goes to Whitney and Steve for turning me on to these)
• That teaching is hard. And (probably) not for me in the long run.
  
• That being an American is cool again, or more accurately, that I enjoy being an American (thank you Obama and crew, Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert, staples in my life as much as any 'real' news, and no thanks to Sarah Palin). Also, being an American gets you things, like border crossings within the EU where you should have had your passport but didn't...
• How to cook...a little. I can sautee veggies, boil noodles, use herbes de provence on everything, and make a bravas sauce. It's a start!
• That I'm not going to be friends with everyone I meet. Obvious. But still, a lesson driven home a lot recently. It pays to be discriminating: the good friends are REALLY good, and worth the time, effort, energy, thought. The others...will always be there, and are not worth getting too worked up about.
• That fresh market produce is always, ALWAYS better. Worth the difference in price. Worth planning out my shopping a little better (ok, I'm still working on that second part).
  
• That Oregon isn't inherently bad just because I'm from there. I'm really excited about coming home in the fall.

Annette, new and improved, everyday.

What am I doing(/GOING to do) with my life???

I am not engaged, married, pregnant, or otherwise occupied at this point in time (having just celebrated my half-birthday, therefore on the cusp of officially being 23 AND A HALF!), which I thought was just fine and dandy, but after a few hours of solid Facebook stalking, I realize is quite abnormal (that is IF I suffered myself to compare myself to my peers...as IF!). I'm flabbergasted at the number of babies out there. And I'm STOKED that none of them are my concern...I have many adventures in me YET!

Relatedly, I've just spent the evening fretting...ruminating about what comes next (after the fabulous summer of au pair-ing, temporarily making a few kids my concern, but giving them back to their parents at the end, wherEVER I end up). Current rambling thoughts:

• crosscountry roadtrip with the brother, Oregon via the Grand Canyon to Alabama (or wherever he'll be posted) come late September/October.Ish.
  
• use mom's connections to land some sweet administrative assistant gig in some law office in Portland (earn $, pay off bills)
  
• ditto to the above except in San Diego
• apply for the Peace Corps
• apply for the JET program (or some other English teaching in Japan for the 2010-11 schoolyear)
• find some English teaching gig in SOUTH AMERICA (Argentina, Chile, Peru, whatever could hook me up and that I wouldn't have to pay to be a part of)
  
• work part-time at a private high school outside of Santa Cruz teaching English next schoolyear (I sent in my resume, the dude responded positively even though I'm pretty sure I'm just short of 'dreadfully' underqualified, and said it would be a few weeks...a few weeks ago...I'm going to send a follow-up-I'm-still-interested-and-commited type of email to see if that's still a possibility)
• start a hippy-esque commune somewhere, with all the cool artsy friends and cousins who are in similar boats as me
  

Or some combination of the above. My brain is currently spinning. I was also just indulging in one of my not-so-guilty-pleasures: drooling over international relations grad schools websites...my enduring dream is American University in D.C., but I started looking at Georgetown's website (and who are we kidding? Georgetown IS the #1 int'l relations school in the country), and I'm like: Annette, you SO have what it takes to rock THAT! (Positive self-talk: oh yeah!) I'm currently in a half-stressed, half-jelly state, alone in my apartment on a Friday night (but don't feel bad about that...I spent the last 2 nights in Avignon with friends and I need a break!) and I'm thinking: why do I do this to myself??

Provence and the Cote d'Azur with my mom

A whirlwind 9 days, involving many adventures, including (why do I always 'devolve' into lists? Or maybe I'm just being efficient and organized...whatever, it works for me, so, why mess with a good thing, right?):

• Cheap Chinese with friends! Who can argue with a delicious 5 euro meal, surrounded by the people you love?
• Ancient Greek theatre in Orange (one of only 3 in the world that still has its stage wall...the other 2 are in Syria and...somewhere else...)
• Buying WAY-too-expensive-wine in Chateauneuf-du-Pape (the classic "we were had!" tourist moment of which I always make sure to have at least one on any given trip...hey, the woman said her friend was friends with Sharon Stone and George Clooney!)
• Falling in love (on my part) with a strip of road inbetween Orange and Vaison la Romaine. OMG, I think I'll live there someday, humbly tending my hectares upon hectares of vineyard, with my big buff rugged vignoblier of a husband running around doing all the actual work, while I drink near half our product!
• The 'Infamous' Kayak trip from Fontaine de Vaucluse to L'Isle sur la Sorgue. Infamous because my mom and I fell in, and when we did (we didn't realize until later), the keys to the rental car fell OUT of my mom's swimsuit...we were stranded, no money, no food, no nothing, for hours, while we waited for a replacement car...hey, at least we were in a beautiful locale and got some sun!
• Massages at a super swanky spa in Aix-en-Provence. Bringing my mom's total experience of Aix to: a super swanky spa. And mine: one night out, never seeing the city in daylight, and the super swanky spa. Even though it was dripping with swank, the jacuzzi was tepid at best. We rocked the sauna, hammam, and chillaxing lounge (complete with headsets of calming music, comfy couches, a waterfall, a tank of fish, girly magazines, and handwipes(?)) before getting one of the best massages of my life. An iPod shuffle kept the chillaxing music going, and we smelled all coconutty when we were done.
• Nice! A cheese-meat-crackers-buckets of wine picnic in our hotel room with Colleen and Steve the first night, the three corniches the next! We zipped all over, including over the very same twists and turns where Grace Kelly crashed and died. We pealed out of Monaco (literally, burned rubber and made some police turn around and see what was going on), saw an old Roman monument, ate paninis in Cap Ferrat, a droolingly gorgeous 'almost-island' (presque-ile), and picked up some perfume from Grasse.
• The drive that would never end! Nice to Marseille, all along the coast. It took about 8 hours. It was all...GORGEOUS! The Cote d'Azur is where I was meant to live, I think.
• The Chateau d'If (of Count of Monte Cristo fame) wasn't open (bad weather conditions), so we took the ferry out to the other islands and had a pretty typical sunny-day-on-an-island afternoon: we ate sandwiches and spread my grandparents' ashes. All in a day's...vacation!
• Notre Dame de la Garde. In hindsight, we should have just taken a taxi (my mom's no spring chicken, after all). But, I was evil and made her hike all the way up! The views and the amazing mosaics were that much sweeter for it.
• More wine!

It was a fabulous good time! I was EXHAUSTED, and completely NOT ready to return to crazy little kids. Oh well, I'm keepin' on keepin' on, (even though I got my computer fixed yesterday, to the tune of 75 euros, and absolutely NONE of the files could be saved...6 years of college papers, pictures, and music...gone. I'm not as devastated as you might expect...I look on it as a cleansing, really...and I've got some hard-A on hand for when it really sinks in), and trying to make summer plans (I'm thinking: au pair for a cool family, by the beach somewhere...oh yeah...)

The Night of April 18th (Epic. Glorious.)

Saturday night the bar, (the Red Unicorn, the only pub in town), belonged to me and Ruth, NOT Olivier (read: next-door neighbor) and his posse of motherfuckers, Jean-Guy excluded. It was especially sweet because unless I'm planning on dragging my mom there next weekend to show her the seedier side of my life here, it was Ruth and my last time there together, (at least for the near future...never say never)! There were so many beautiful moments, beginning with the choicest:

• Suzy (Olivier's 17-probably-actually-just-16-or-maybe-even-just-15-year-old current lover? I could care less) storming off and out of the bar, just a few minutes after we arrived, really, never to be seen again, because I flipped her off. I also flipped off Carla and Jean-Guy. They didn't leave. Delicious. ;)
• Me singing Imagine with the singer guy, and another French song I didn't know, but could manage the chorus. On a mic, in front of my adoring fans, and Olivier, etc. Classy. Drunk.
• Me getting drinks bought for me, including once when two different men (a Dutch and a...Moroccan? Tunisian? Some sort of North African) each bought me a round and plunked them down in front of me at the same time!!! As Alison would say, Fierce!
• Ruth seeing Olivier and Carla dancing real close and Carla giving me the evils, as if to say: "I've got him now and you don't," as if I care! As if I even noticed, (maybe more accurately: as if I can even remember! Ruth had to remind me)!

We owned. We killed. The night ended with me talking to the hot guy in black across the bar I'd been making eyes at for a good portion of the night, realizing even through my very drunken haze that he was definitely not worth it, and leaving, no numbers or names exchanged. Nothing. Then Ruth walked me home and I slept a glorious night alone. It was amazing. I didn't get out of bed the next day until 4-something. I loved it, even with a hungover headache. I'm off the men for awhile, except the gloriously hot Latin ones who come in my dreams...imaginary men are something I can deal with.

Current Favorites

• Book - Naomi and Ely's No-Kiss List. At times a little too consciously hip New York trend-tastic, but at times just what I'm needing right now: people making too big of a deal about middle-school-esque drama. Delicious.
• Music - Deezer.com, where I nerdily made a playlist modeled after a mixed CD one of the characters in aforementioned book made for another one. This is what happens on a 12 hr/week work schedule. Also listening to the Deezer radio stations exposes me to new French and other music. Current faves are the Pep's and Kelly Clarkson's new song.
• Inanimate object in my apartment - my new yoga mat! 3.50 euro at Decathlon outside of Avignon. It's not of the highest quality, but it is of higher quality than my bare dirty floor, so I'm working it out. On the mat.
• Animate object in and around my apartment building - the funky-colored pigeon, who seems to be well socially-adjusted and in with the other pigeons, despite his black and white spotted head, blue and green chest, and normal-pigeon-colored body. Go him.
• Job - mine. The kids are so friendly and amazing (no less than TWO kids picked spinach as their favorite food yesterday...freaks...). My kids are doing a carnaval throughout the town this afternoon, and I kind of want to install myself along the route to watch the parade and wave at them. All the teachers are worried about losing kids to strangers, shiny objects, or a precarious moment when two groups will cross paths in the Place de l'Eglise.
• Beverage - wine. Duh. Even I'm beginning to be convinced of the fact that I'm an alcoholic (drinking almost every night, even when alone, even when others around me aren't drinking, referring to alcohol as my "medication," and polishing off a half liter of the stuff by myself at the cheap Chinese place Sunday night in Avignon, while watching an old man sitting by himself doing the same thing...vision of the future). Second fave boisson: coffee. The only way I can show up to work.
• News outlet - Slate.com. I get all my real news, fake news, and opinions on current and past goings-about in the world here. Approximately half of my conversations begin with the phrase: "I was reading an article on slate.com about..." Hey, anything that makes me a more interesting person...
• TV (er, online) Show - Weeds. I want that to be my life. Sort of. Yes to the California, no to the kids, yes to all the cocktails those ladies drink, no to the scary housing development and bitchy housewives, yes to the sensamilla, no to the run-ins with rival dealers, police-like figures, and bullets. It sounds like I want to go back to Santa Cruz...I found a job announcement on Craigslist Santa Cruz the other day to which I'll be sending in my resume and letter of motivation...hey, why not? Keeping my options open.
• News outlet/TV Show - The Daily Show. I can't not give it its' props, though I don't bother watching it all that much.
• Reason for living - seeing my mom at the end of April, tooling around Provence drinking wine, seeing sites, drinking wine, eating the fine cuisine. Second fave reason for living: the prospect of a cross-country (the USA) roadtrip with the brother come autumn. We shall see...

My life, soap-opera speed

In the last 2 weeks, my life has exploded with drama. I've been having a lot of firsts, for example:

• my first official 'boyfriend' (the title was more according to him and his friends than to me)
• my first official break-up, from aforementioned 'boyfriend.' On Valentine's Day. I'm a bitch. I feel that's an experience everyone's gotta have once in their life. Barbie and Ken apparently broke up on V-Day in 2004, although I must have been on some other planet (read: college) to not have known that.
• the first time I've ever juggled two boys at once: nice, generous, 'older' gentleman 'boyfriend' with a job v. really hot, same-aged, reggae-listening, musician next-door neighbor (can't argue for convenience)! 'Boyfriend' didn't win that, obviously.
  
• the first time a tutoring client majorly came onto me. Not true. I've been propositioned, well, this'll be the 3rd time. Older single (and married!) French men in this tiny town seem to think that when a young American girl offers "English lessons," she's really looking for a husband, or at the very least offering sex. But I am strapped for cash at the moment...maybe I should have taken that 50 euro/hr offer to pose for a guy who claimed he was a photographer. I think I'll take my dignity this time around, thanks. But I guess this was the first time one of them declared his love for me...ugh. Honestly, all you single ladies, come to a small town in the south of France. Men will be crawling all over you! (my friend in another little town is living through similar stories, so there you go)
• the first time I skipped work (here in France) for reasons other than being sick (a.k.a. I just couldn't get my lazy ass out of bed last Monday). I felt really guilty yesterday when the kids were asking me what I had-the flu? A cold? I got out of it by mumbling in my broken French: "I don't know what it's called in French!" How do you say "a case of the Mondays" in French? Ah, fuck it!

Someday I'll look back on this all and laugh. Hell, I'm laughing now!

It's a charmed life, but somebody's got to lead it!

Life is almost too good to be true at the moment. It feels like I'm due for a really big disaster here soon. Please, loved ones: don't get yourselves hit by buses, and make sure you survive any and all hostage situations of which you find yourselves on the wrong end. Here is a sampling of the things I have been doing and learning here in sunny California (because I love lists):

• how to drive stick shift. I've driven over 200 miles in the last 2 weeks on the thing. Go me! I'm still figuring out gears and hills, and I still stall every now and again (to remind myself that I'm human), but all in all, I'd say I am now competent at driving standard cars!
• where to shop. specifically, for wine. I went to Safeway (because I just found out that a US Bank is inside! this is big news because previously I had thought the nearest one was up in the bay area...boo), and they were charging $6, $7 for a bottle of Barefoot! As if! So I spent $10 on food (for me and the cats) there, and $20 on 6 bottles of wine at Trader Joe's. 3 bottles of 2-buck-chuck (Charles Shaw), and 3 other reasonably priced bottles ($4-$6). yeah!
• i have also been hosting BBQs, going out dancing, hanging out with Hannah (SO fun! I think reunions are in order every so often, wherever we are in the world...it's healthy for my soul to be with her and laugh at other people, making each other feel good that we're us, and not them, ugh!), and watching great movies. The Lost Boys, filmed in the 80's in Santa Cruz, featuring Keifer Sutherland, is actually not half bad. But Corey Feldman, with a crazy deep voice, really took the cake in the film. Hannah and I watched the movie and then went to the Boardwalk later in the week...we rode this ride where it's like you're in a hang-glider and I felt like a vampire: flying above the boardwalk and swooping down on unsuspecting citizens...I couldn't stop cracking up. We also saw: the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Conclusion: I still love oceans! They (and the creatures in them) are so grand! Screaming kids and crying babies, not so much.

I have also been trying to keep up with my reading. The New Yorker, Entertainment Weekly, and currently The Road by Cormac McCarthy are keeping my occupied and informed...The Road is definitely going to make a sweet film with Viggo Mortensen. That's all. I'll end with this: don't be jealous, just come visit!

Graduate from college: check and check!

I officially did it. The pomp. The circumstance. The wine! Moving on.

To my to-do list for the summer:

• figure out all necessary French documents, so I'm legit when I get over there.
• study for and take the GRE. Continuing to nerd it up: school, I just can't quit!
• read for fun (still).
• rock the silver store (still).
• art projects (including: Courtney's, mine, more drawing, that collage-like activity with broken plates whose name escapes me at the moment...)
• learn how to cook. (HA!)
• visit Steinbeck's house.
• host friends and cousins and all visitors to SC.
• Fulbright application. Life: it's never done.
• drink wine with Aunt Robin, Crystal, Limber, etc.
• drink beer with Uncle Jeff, Crystal, Limber, etc.
• swim
• bike
• run
• compete in a triathlon with Aunt Robin in August.
• lift weights, do yoga, eat healthy, and in all other aspects of my life continue the yuppy-fication transformation.
• SLEEP! (it's good. really good)

How I live my life:

• I buy cookies and candy bars from Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, always. Pay it forward and all that, plus it's win-win: helping kids out AND getting something delicious! I WAS a Girl Scout, so they're the sentimental favorites, but I give everyone an equal chance, plus my brother was a Boy Scout. But I steer clear of those crazy Campfire kids...they're crazy.
• I care about politics. I'm hopeless: I can't help getting passionate and active. Today, for instance, I canvassed around Corvallis for Barack Obama, MY candidate for the pres. 2008.
• I drink wine. Even if I'm by myself, just trying to relax and not think about taxes.
• I read. There's a lot of good stuff out there. I have so far to go!
  

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!! slash Horrible Hook-ups: Phone Calls That Should Never Be Made

One. I've been making plans all day for the trip to Eugene tomorrow to see BARACK OBAMA speak! It's going to be off the chizzain. 4-7 people I LOVE and me waiting for hours to see the most eloquent man of our time speak LIVE! I'm peeing myself at the moment!!!!

Two. My brother calls at exactly 6:01pm to inform me that he indeed WILL be coming home the DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!!! This after we were all excited that he would be coming home only to find out that his leave had been denied. SHIT! I started crying in front of clients. It was weird/bad news bears/awesome! Another reason I'm peeing myself and better start mopping up soon!

Three. AS IF THAT WEREN'T ENOUGH! Luke's party (in homage to Nicholas' horrible hair...: I hope someone burned that shit by now!) happened. HAPPENED! Oh shit was that shit happenin'! LOVE to Luke, Michael, Rocky, Tanzi, Phil the Shit, Scotty, Sophia, Chelsea, Ingrid, Tristen, Alisha, Nnamdi, Bisola, Monte, Matt, Dau, Shawn and ALL the hotties on the dancefloor tonight!

LOVE is spelled L-G-B-T. Truth is what I speak right now.

And finally, a final thought: when walking home drunk and lonesomeish by oneself at night (only because you're "one," and no one else is with you, not because you're particularly lonely or lonesome), don't, repeat DON'T call anyone you have any slight inkling to call. It was a horrible hook-up you're only thinking back to at the moment because it actually HAPPENED, and not because it was particularly good or wonderful, and so in all circumstances and cases SHOULDN'T be called. Pride yourself in going it alone, your own way, without crutches. Pride yourself in forging ahead, proudly and strongly and bravely alone. Pride yourself,...and don't under ANY circumstances, call ANYONE who isn't related or "related" to you. 'Nuff said.

Write, write, always write. Goo d night.